We were gifted everything you see in this photo: the dining room table and chairs, the tablecloth, the flowers, the silverware, the rug. We’re feeling so rallied around as we land in this community as back-fence neighbors with my fairy godfamily!
A high school friend of mine posted this on Facebook this past week and I’ve found myself thinking about it so much in the past few days:
I think the thing I miss most of all is sitting around coffee shops, diners or bars just hanging and chatting with friends. We used to do that a couple of times a week in the before times. I can’t tell if it stopped because we got old or because of the internet. Either way, I miss gathering places and group conversations. I miss holding court with anecdotes and long-form jokes. I miss staying longer than I planned and smoking too many cigarettes and meeting friends of friends and singing and laughing and talking about our big dumb ideas. What would it take to move everyone I know into one neighborhood? Just a thought.
Before everyone was staring at their own little screen when in places with other people we used to have spontaneous interactions instead. We’d be in a coffee shop or a park or the garden at school and we’d have random connections with people and we’d get to know them and like them and then we’d eventually make a point to hang out with them on purpose. I have found that the best way to experience those random, lovely, serendipities as an adult is to be intentional about it and the easiest way to to that is to choose to live in community. I jotted a comment on his post about how I’ve just become back-fence neighbors with some of my closest friends and being in close proximity to a few people I adore really does make life better.
I’m not quite sure how to count the number of times I’ve lived in intentional communities. Maybe the unofficial gender studies interest house I helped create in college was the first. We were certainly rallied around a common interest and we pooled money for groceries, rotated chores, and hosted events. If that one doesn’t count then we’ll count as my first Simply Home Community, a tiny cohousing community in NE Portland, where I moved in 2014. Going Places, another tiny cohousing community, was my next one. And Punalu’u, the set of 3 places I shared with friends and another family, was more informal, but it was definitely community. So this one is my fourth of fifth and I’ve got to say, I’m thrilled to be living in community again!
It’s been a couple of weeks now since we moved next door to my best friend from both college and grad school and her husband. The benefits of community have already been lovely - and quite tasty! Having my fairy godfamily help us unload our stuff the day we arrived and then join us for take out on the living room floor was just the beginning of our participation in this lovely reciprocal community.
When my fairy godmother showed up on our first Friday afternoon as the Welcome Wagon, with housewarming gifts, these were two of them: a beautiful platter and a fresh loaf of challah.
A couple of days after we landed, my fairy godmother showed up to welcome us with a bouquet of flowers, a broom, a bag of sugar, and a fresh baked loaf of challah on a gorgeous platter. It was a set of things she had developed a tradition around gifting as housewarming gifts, thanks to her Southern upbringing. They were such practical and pretty gifts those first couple of days!
We’ve also had wonderful things gifted to us from friends, neighbors, friends of neighbors, family of friends, and even a few strangers (thanks to free offerings on Buy Nothing, Facebook Marketplace, and Craigslist). These have ranged from homemade granola to an entire set of vintage dishes and from a set of wine glasses to a dining room table and chairs! My sweetie and I had on our wishlist a roll-top desk for him and a secretary desk for me and he found each just what we were looking for one lucky day!
A homemade granola delivery from some new neighbors. Yum!
I’ve been nudged to get out for runs, bike rides, and walks with my friends. In doing so, I’m learning the neighborhood quicker than I would have on my own. Since my fairy godsister grew up here she’s teaching me all the insider tricks about the best places to explore. She and her husband have lived in a variety of places, but have been here now for 8 years, so they have the updated intel as well. We’ve found the best thrift stores, multi-use paths, bakeries, hardware stores, and used gear shops thanks to their guidance.
What fun it was to explore OSUsed! We were on the hunt for a file cabinet and golly did we find some options!
A couple of days after we arrived, I was invited along on a bike ride to the quarterly puzzle swap at the library. Since we’d already passed along everything we didn’t need before this move, I didn’t have puzzles to bring, but I was told by the volunteers at the swap that I could just pick as many puzzles as I liked and bring them back to the next swap. I deliberated amongst the hundreds on offer and ultimately chose four. We’ve got one puzzle splayed out on a huge piece of cardboard at the moment (that we shift from the table to the floor, depending on whether we’re in dining or puzzling mode). It’s neat to have others waiting for us.
So many fun puzzles at the quarterly puzzle swap, hosted by the local library. These ones should keep us busy through the rest of this winter!
My fairy godfamily and I have cooked meals together and for each other. We used to say, when we were doing our monthly zoom brunches during the pandemic, that we all wished we could try each other’s food. This past week I was able to tell my friends about new recipes I was going to try and then share tastes of palak paneer and carmelized onion quiche with them just by walking around the block.
So much more fun to talk with foodie friends about recipes when you can bring them a slice of carmelized onion quiche, too!
Several new neighbors have been eager participants in my baking experiments, a group I’ve dubbed The Sticky Buns Society because I tend to focus on sweet rolls. (The main requirement for membership is that they provide feedback so I can continually improve. They’re so darn constructive in their feedback I imagine I’ll be tweaking my recipes for a long time to come.) I’ve got a bunch of rolls rising right now and I look forward to sugar gifting my neighbors when they’re fresh out of the oven.
These are uncertain times we’re living in and I’ve already been horrified by some of the changes coming. Community is a bulwark against some of it, so I’m grateful for that. How are you building community these days?